The Life and Lies of Rita and Gilderoy
by Ravenclaw-Earl of Rohan
Summary: The love story between two of the Magical World's giants in journalism. Also, some questions will be answered along the way. Why is Argus Filch so mean? Where did Rita get her Quick-Quotes Quill? What was egomaniac Lockhart like in school. Please review!
1. Prologue

_**The Life and Lies of Rita and Gilderoy**_

CHAPTER ONE:

Setting: Hogwarts

Dramatis Personae:

Albus Dumbledore, Hogwarts Headmaster

Argus Filch, Age 37, Hogwarts Caretaker

Frank Longbottom, Age 11, Gryffindor 1st

Gilderoy Lockhart, Age 16, Hufflepuff 6th

Edward Creevey, Age 13, Gryffindor 3rd

Mrs. Norris (Cat)

Regulus Black, Age 16, Slytherin 6th

Rita Skeeter, Age 15, Slytherin 5th

* * *

"LOCKHART! LOCKHART!" cheered the Hogwarts students. Gilderoy smiled at his fans. He was a handsome 6th year in Hufflepuff who had just saved young Frank Longbottom from the Whomping Willow. Many had seen his selfless feat, and were his new fans.

"Out of my way!" came a young female voice in the crowd. A fifth year with curly blond hair and bejeweled glasses and held and acid green quill knocked several third years out of her way to Lockhart. Behind her was a grinning third year with a camera.

"Hi, Lockhart! I'm Rita Skeeter, editor of the school paper. This is Edward Creevey, the photographer. Could I have a word?"

"Why not?" agreed Gilderoy jovially.

Edward began snapping photos of Lockhart and Skeeter.

"Edward, deary, why don't you go to the press room and develop your photos?" Rita inquired forcefully.

"Yes, Ms. Skeeter!" said Edward in a timid voice.

* * *

A short while later, Rita and Gilderoy got to a broom closet, where they sat down. Rita prepared her Quick-Quotes Quill, which had been a gift from her grandmother.

"Gilderoy, Hufflepuffs aren't known for noble acts like this(but no one is complaining because you saved an innocent 1st year from harm). How does this make you feel?"

"Well Rita, I feel normal. Honestly, I felt a sense of loyalty to Hogwarts by saving young Frank, and being in Hufflepuff doesn't have anything to do with it."

"Anyone can perform noble acts, Gryffindors, Hufflepuffs, Ravenclaws, or Slytherins like you," he added glancing at the badge on her chest.

Rita gave a charming smile at this, and Gilderoy was dazzled by her stunning eyes and perfect teeth.

The broom closet door blasted open, and there stood Argus Filch, the friendly new caretaker, and his cat, Mrs. Norris.

"Gilderoy! Been lookin' all over for your son! Dumbledore wants to see you in his office, pronto."  
"Thank you, Mr. Filch. Maybe I'll see you again sometime Rita," said Gilderoy.

"My dear Gilderoy, I'm sure this will not be the last time we meet. Until then."

I have more to add. Please review. All comments/criticisms are welcomed!


	2. Filch's Office

CHAPTER TWO:

Setting: Hogwarts

Dramatis Personae:

Argus Filch, Hogwarts Caretaker

Gilderoy Lockhart, Hufflepuff 6th Year

Regulus Black, Slytherin 6th Year

Rita Skeeter, Slytherin 5th Year

* * *

That night, Rita Skeeter returned to the Slytherin Dormitory. Regulus Black, a 6th year, regarded her with admiration.

"Hey, Rita. You look great."

"Not gonna happen, Black," Rita sneered with disdain.

With that, Rita went to her room and went to sleep.

* * *

In the Hufflepuff Dormitory, Gilderoy Lockhart wasn't sleeping as easily. Dumbledore had congratulated him on his chivalry and gave him a medal for service to Hogwarts.

But it wasn't Dumbledore who was on his mind.

That Skeeter girl was charming for a Slytherin.

"What can I do?" he thought. Then it hit him! There was a Hogsmeade weekend coming up. He could ask her out then!

* * *

The next day at dinner, Rita and Gilderoy met up again.

"Gilderoy, I was wondering if you'd like to help me with an investigation!" exclaimed Rita.

"Of course, Rita. What kind of investigation?"

Rita moved closer to him, making him nervous.

` "Haven't you noticed anything funny about Filch? The way he always acts? I think he's hiding something. Tonight, I need someone to help me sneak into his office, and I don't trust Edward. So will you help me?"

Gilderoy nodded eagerly.

"Good! Meet me at the dungeon entrance at 10:00 tonight."

* * *

At 10:00, Lockhart came to the dungeon exit. Rita stepped out, and they began sneaking along the corridor to Filch's office.

Once inside, they saw a small desk, a dresser, a bookshelf, a small bed, and a litterbox for Mrs. Norris. Rita began sorting through the papers on his desk.

"Rita, are you sure this is a good idea?" asked Gilderoy nervously.

"Of course I'm sure, Gilderoy darling!" she said.

He knew that she said it to everyone, but his heart leapt when she called him darling.

She dropped the papers on the desk and took out the Quick-Quotes Quill. The quill wrote a few notes down, and then followed Rita to the bookshelf. Lockhart, who was watching the door, moved next to her.

Lockhart gasped. "Rita! Look at this!"

He pointed to a book that said, A Squib's Guide to Taking Care of a Medieval Castle.

"Ha! He's a Squib!" shouted Rita.

Gilderoy looked at his watch.

"Rita, it's getting late. I'm going to bed." "No! You're helping me!" she half-shrieked. "We're in this together!"

The door banged open.

"That you are!" came a high, girlish voice.

Who said this familiar line! Prepare for a plot twist! Please review.


	3. Umbridge and the Quill

* * *

CHAPTER THREE:

Setting: Hogwarts

Dramatis Personae:

Argus Filch, Hogwarts Caretaker

Dolores Umbridge, Ravenclaw 7th Year

Gilderoy Lockhart, Hufflepuff 6th Year

Horace Slughorn, Head of Slytherin

Minerva McGonagall, Deputy Headmistress

Pomona Sprout, Head of Hufflepuff

Regulus Black, Slytherin 6th Year

Rita Skeeter, Slytherin 5th Year

* * *

Rita and Gilderoy spun around to see Dolores Umbridge, 7th year Ravenclaw prefect. She was short and plump with short, reddish-brown hair. Umbridge had a reputation for being nasty to good-looking kids because of her envy.

"Tch, tch, tch. We are in trouble now, aren't we. Sneaking into the caretaker's office. Lockhart, I thought you were better than that. Skeeter, you've always been garbage. Your journalist days are over."

"Now get moving before I stun you both."

* * *

"So you see Deputy Headmistress, naughty students ought to be punished. That is why these two should get detention," said Umbridge.

They were in the office of Professor McGonagall, who was glaring at Rita and Gilderoy.

"Thank you Miss Umbridge. That will be all."

With a nasty glance at Rita, Umbridge left the room.

"Miss Skeeter and Mr. Lockhart! What were you thinking! Sneaking into Mr. Filch's office! You will both lose 10 house points, and I will see you in detention."

* * *

Back in her room, Rita Skeeter searched for her Quick-Quotes Quill.

"Where is the darn thing!" she thought aloud. And then it hit her: Umbridge must have taken it when she caught them. She wept over her grandmother's lost quill before falling asleep.

* * *

The next day, Dolores Umbridge approached Rita at breakfast.

"Here's your precious quill, Rita!" she flung the once green, now black quill. "I've charmed it. Now you'll never need any ink!" There was something nasty about the way Umbridge said that.

* * *

In Herbology, Prof. Sprout instructed Rita to take notes. Rita pulled out the black quill and began writing. Suddenly, she felt a shard pain in the back of her hand.

The words on the paper had appeared in dark red ink. Rita looked at the back of her hand, and realized that Umbridge had cursed the quill so that whenever she wrote, she would cut the words into the back of her hand.

"Good God, Miss Skeeter! What happened to your hand?" cried Sprout.

Rita held back tears and silently vowed that she would have her revenge on Umbridge.

* * *

"Rita, girl! I have just the potion to heal your hand!" said Prof. Slughorn, the jovial Potions Master. Rita's hand healed that night.

Gilderoy comforted her the next day, and they made their plan for Umbridge.

Gilderoy was getting nervous. Hogsmeade weekend was in two weeks, and he still had not asked Rita.

What will Rita do to Umbridge? Find out in the next chapter! Please review.


	4. Rita's Revenge

CHAPTER FOUR:

Setting: Hogwarts

Dramatis Personae:

Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster

Argus Filch, Hogwarts Caretaker

Dolores Umbridge, Ravenclaw 7th Year

Edward Creevey, Gryffindor 3rd Year

Gilderoy Lockhart, Hufflepuff 6th Year

Minerva McGonagall, Deputy Headmistress

Rita Skeeter, Slytherin 5th YearGilderoy Lockhart sat against a tree on the Hogwarts Grounds. He was thinking about Rita. In the time he had known her, she had added lots of adventure to his life in the past few days.

Gilderoy knew now that he didn't just have a crush on her.

Gilderoy loved Rita Skeeter.

"If I join the school paper, I can be even closer to her!" he thought.

* * *

Rita Skeeter happily accepted Lockhart's application for the paper. She knew that the time to strike at Umbridge was now.

But lately, she'd thought about Gilderoy more and more.

He was very handsome, and he showed that compassionate Hufflepuff spirit.

Well still, he was too modest, and a bit of a goody-goody, but she found that she did have feelings for him.

* * *

Gilderoy, Rita, and Edward Creevey sat in the school newspaper office trying to think of a way to defeat Dolores Umbridge.

"We could use dungbombs! No one likes them!" exclaimed Edward.

"Did I give you permission to speak, Edward?" growled Rita.

"Sorry Rit- I mean, Miss Skeeter!" Edward said.

"What about the paper!" thought Gilderoy aloud.

"What do you mean?" said Rita and Edward in unison.

"Well, they say the pen is stronger than the sword, right? It would be trickier to humiliate Umbridge than to disable her!"

But Rita was two steps ahead of him. She had already went to the enchanted print press and started talking.

* * *

The next morning, the paper was delivered.

BIG TOAD STEALS PRICELESS QUILL

Under this was a picture of Umbridge with an equals sign and a toad.

The article said "Ravenclaw prefect Dolores Umbridge shows her true colors when she steals a priceless Quick-Quotes Quill from Rita Skeeter, Rita Skeeter reports. Dolores Umbridge allegedly cursed my Quick-Quotes Quill so it tears the words I write into my hand. She said that younger students all should be punished, and that my reporting days are over. This is an obvious abuse of power..."

* * *

That day, Umbridge was greeted by sneers and laughs, and was actually in tears in Charms class. To make matters worse, she was called to Dumbledore's office that night, where Rita was standing with the quill. Professor McGonagall also sat with a very thin mouth, back of her hand bleeding.

"Miss Umbridge, I am truly disappointed to hear of this behavior from a prefect! Your badge will be revoked, and you lose Head Girlship. 20 points from Ravenclaw!" came Professor McGonagall's final judgement. "What do you think, Albus?"

"I agree, Professor McGonagall. As for me, Miss Umbridge, I am not expelling you only because you were apprehending Miss Skeeter and Mr. Lockhart beforehand. Let the loss of your badge be a lesson that magic is not to be abused."

Umbridge said nothing, and Professor McGonagall ushered her out of the office, leaving Dumbledore, and a satisfied-looking Rita alone.

"Miss Skeeter, thank you for bringing this to my attention, but I really don't think you needed to drag the school newspaper into this. Remember, a newspaper is not meant to be a weapon." said Dumbledore slowly.

"Yes, Professor," agreed Rita smugly.

* * *

The next morning, Rita and Gilderoy sat together.

"Gilderoy, you know Hogsmeade weekend is coming up. I wanted to know if you'd go to Madam Puddifoot's with me."

Gilderoy smiled ecstatically. "I was just going to ask you!"

"So it's a date?" Rita enquired.

"Yes, it's a date," said Gilderoy, getting up to leave.

"Oh, Gilderoy!" called Rita walking over to him. "I never really thanked you for helping me get revenge on Umbridge."

Rita hugged him and kissed him on the cheek.

Gilderoy got very red, smiled, and ran off to class.

* * *

What will happen next in the story of Rita and Gilderoy? Find out in the next chapter. Please review!


	5. Lockhart's Heart

So now marks the beginning of the relationship I call Gilderita. Here's the weekend you've all been waiting for! Please review!

* * *

CHAPTER 5:

Setting: Hogwarts and Hogsmeade

Dramatis Personae:

Edward Creevey

Gilderoy Lockhart

Kreacher the House-elf

Lucius Malfoy

Madam Puddifoot

Minerva McGonagall

Regulus Black

Rita Skeeter

Severus Snape

* * *

"So now they're going on a date in Hogsmeade?"

"Yes, to Madam Puddifoot's I suppose!"

The Slytherin 5th Year girls giggled in the common room.

Regulus Black dropped his butterbeer.

"Who?" he asked suddenly.

"Why, Rita and that Lockhart boy. Why do you ask, Reg?"

Regulus jumped up and stormed away.

A few hours later, Regulus held some stolen Floo Powder in his hand as he stood in front of the fireplaces.

"Spinner's End!" he shouted into the fire.

A short minute later, Regulus stood in a dingy house.

"Who's there!" came a voice. An 18 year-old boy with greasy hair and sallow skin stepped into the room, wand raised. "Oh, hello Reg! How's that idiotic blood traitor of a brother of yours?"

"Fine, Snape. He ran out on the family to go live with that Potter boy. I'm not here about Sirius right now. Can I come into the kitchen?"

Snape and Regulus walked into the dirty kitchen, where Lucius Malfoy sat with a bottle of firewhisky.

"Hey, Reg! What's chillin' in the kajillin'?" said the drunken Death Eater.

"Rita, that's what. She and this Lockhart guy from Hufflepuff are going on a date in Hogsmeade this Saturday."

Snape burst out laughing, and Lucius sang

"_Reg and Rita, sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G_

_First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the Dark Lord with the baby carriage"_

"Shut up, Malfoy! This is serious!"

"If you want, I'm sure your brother could kill him. I'm "Serious!". Huh, huh! Geddit, Sev?" Lucius laughed drunkenly.

"Ignore him. I'll deal with it, Reg," Snape said.

* * *

Gilderoy entered the newspaper office looking for Rita. Instead, he found Edward Creevey.

"Hey, Gilderoy"

"Hi Ed. Have you seen Rita anywhere?" Edward looked around. "Be careful! She pinches when you call her Rita! Those nails hurt!"

Gilderoy chuckled and started to leave, then turned and asked, "Edward, can you tell me more about Rita?"

It was Edward's turn to giggle.

"_Rita and Gilderoy sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!_

_First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Umbridge with the baby carriage!"_

"Shut up, you annoying child!" growled Gilderoy.

"Well, let's see. She likes pinching 3rd Years, humiliating prefects, and sneaking into offices with her BOYFRIEND. No she likes the color green. Probably a Slytherin thing. Her most prized possession was that quill Umbridge cursed. I'm sure _the way to her heart_ is finding her a new one."

"Thanks, kid!" said Gilderoy.

* * *

Valentine's Day came before anyone expected. Rita Skeeter and Gilderoy Lockhart walked down to the quaint little village, where they would have their date.

"HELP! HELP!" croaked a voice. It had come from a poor old house-elf on the side of the road.

"I NEED WATER!" the house-elf cried.

Gilderoy and Rita rushed over. Gilderoy pulled out a water bottle and the house-elf drank.

"Thank you, kind sir. Kreacher is my name. I'm lost, and cannot find the way to my master. Will you help me?"

"Sure, little Kreacher!" said Gilderoy. They helped him up and led him into a dark alley.

As if on cue, Regulus Black and Severus Snape jumped out, wands drawn. Rita screamed and hid behind Gilderoy.

"Thanks, Kreacher! You're a good house-elf!" smiled Regulus.

"Of course, master. Kreacher lives to serve the house of Black!" exclaimed Kreacher in his bullfrog's voice. With that, he disapparated.

"So here's how it's gonna work!" announced Snape. "Rita, you go with Reg, or I kill your ugly little Hufflepuff friend."

"_Stupefy_!" shouted Rita. Snape fell unconscious. Regulus ran off.

* * *

At the tea shop, Rita and Gilderoy ordered lattes.

"So, Rita. Any new ideas for the paper?" shot Gilderoy casually.

"Yeah, we should so do an article about Black."

"Does he fancy you?" Gilderoy asked.

"Yes, but I think he's a greasy pig," said Rita.

Gilderoy laughed.

Rita had truly captured his heart. But how could he tell her?

"Rita, I have a gift for you," he said.

"Ooh! On Valentine's Day? Gilderoy you sly dog! You're a sweetheart, you know that?"

She unwrapped the small package to find a new golden quill.

"That's so you can still have a beautiful quill after what Umbridge did to the first one,"

Rita started to tear up. "Gilderoy, do you know how much this means to me?"

She kissed him on the cheek for the second time.

* * *

Later, they returned to Hogwarts.

"Thanks for the best Valentine's Day a girl could ask for Gilderoy," Rita sighed.

"Anything for you, Rita," Lockhart sighed back.

The couple embraced one last time, and then they went to dinner in the Great Hall.


	6. Return of Regulus

CHAPTER FIVE:

Setting: Hogwarts School

Dramatis Personae:

Dolores Umbridge

Gilderoy Lockhart

Minerva McGonagall

Regulus Black

Rita Skeeter

Edward Creevey

* * *

Regulus Black was on a mission. His plan to eliminate Lockhart had backfired miserably, and he knew that there was one person left to help him. He walked down the Ravenclaw table, and at the end, he saw who he wanted to see.

There sat a 7th year with mousy brown hair and a hurt look, a prefect's badge shining on her chest.

"Are you Dolores Umbridge?" Reg inquired.

"Who wants to know?"

"I am Regulus Black. I recently had a run-in with Gilderoy Lockhart."

Umbridge looked up. "Really? Well why do I care?! My badge is on the line after my last run-in with the Skeeter girl. I can't deal with those two anymore!"

"But together, we stand a chance against them. They may be popular, but I am in Rita's house and you're a prefect."

"You have a point, Black," Umbridge said excitedly. "But there are only 5 weeks left in the term. How can we pull it off?"

"I have a plan," Reg came back slyly…

* * *

"Morning, Ed," Rita Skeeter said as she entered the newspaper office.

"Good morning, Miss Skeeter!" said Edward quickly. "What will our headline be."

"Guess what, Ed? Gilderoy got me a new quill!" Rita exclaimed.

"Some headline that will be!" Ed said sarcastically. "Lockhart Gives Rita Gift of LOOOOOVVVE!"

Rita reached over and pinched him with her bright pink fingernails.

"Sorry, Miss Skeeter," said Ed quickly.

"That's more like it!" Rita growled.

Rita started looking through her notes to find a story.

"Of course," she suddenly thought.

"What?" asked Ed.

"The story on Filch! He's a Squib you know. I got so caught up in my revenge on Umbridge that I forgot all about Filch."

"You realize that you could be expelled for exposing a staff member?" Ed warned.

"Ed, you Gryffindors wouldn't get it," Rita said impatiently. "The student body deserves to know the truth."

"OK, Miss Skeeter."

* * *

Gilderoy Lockhart went to Transfiguration that afternoon. Regulus Black tripped him in the hallway.

"That's for Hogsmeade!" Reg shouted.

"That will be quite enough, you two!" came McGonagall's severe voice.

Throughout the class period, Regulus smirked over at Lockhart. Lockhart initially thought this to be annoyance for McGonagall's reprimand. His gut, however, was telling him that there was more behind the smirk.

* * *

Rita and Gilderoy met for lunch in the Great Hall.

"I think it's time to use the story on Filch. Umbridge is going to hate when we show that we have no regard for her prefect position. Wouldn't you agree, love?" Rita asked.

Gilderoy turned bright red when she called him "love." "Umm... I think we need to investigate Regulus Black. I think he's up to something."

Rita frowned. "You think so, do you?"

"I do."

"Well, let's try to forget all about Regulus. We need to publish the Filch article.

* * *

Dolores Umbridge was just getting back to Ravenclaw Tower, when her owl, Gitmo, came over to her with a letter. Dolores opened the letter.

_Umbridge-_

_ the Lockhart boy is on to us. They are planning on publishing the story about Filch. Now would be a good time to put our master plan into motion. I already printed the items we discussed, and I want you to go see him tomorrow. _

_-R.A.B._

Umbridge smiled. At last, Rita Skeeter would feel the pain that she caused her.

* * *

Suspenseful or what? Please review. I will tell you it's about to get bloody.


End file.
